hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
