you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dignity is for republicans.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
