I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just cut my nipple shaving
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
