halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
