Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
