I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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