That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
