Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
