i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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