u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
