just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
