Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
