Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
