; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
