maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
