I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
