oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
