My nipple is on Facebook.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
