just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
