Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
