She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
