I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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