I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
