she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
