So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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