So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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