Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
