It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
