Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All the doctor said was why
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
