you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
