At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
