Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
