I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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