she takes plan B like it's going out of style
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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