Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
