I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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