he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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