I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
