I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dicks are not precious.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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