see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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