her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
