Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
