I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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