wat bout pragnant strippers??
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
