i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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