They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
a search helicopter?!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
