I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
