nut hugger
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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