Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
