You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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