My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
