I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
