It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
