You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
