brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
