So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize